Sorry to worry everyone! I am fine. It is just when others around me get so emotional and think they are being so wronged (with my blessings), it is hard for me not to take it to that emotional level. By 10am today I knew it was going to be tough... I just didn't know how bad. I am glad I got to take that pause and sit and pray in the parking lot. Without it, the day certainly would have been tougher.

Yes, I am an emotional person. I have worked on taking the emotions out of my business decisions. Mainly as protection for me, more than to not make bad decisions. Though, that is another reason to do so. But when the decisions get personal... they get more emotional. I have felt God place me in this business to add integrity to it, to open the President's eyes to a spiritual side of things, and to overall encourage the staff. They are a good bunch. They work hard, are team players, have grown in understanding, and take hard punches. They are young and underpaid, just like the rest of us. I would like to give them more... more of a future... more joy in their job... more hope... more... more... more of what they deserve.

What went wrong... why is the business so bad off? I know you are curious. Where do I begin? Sure there has been poor money management. The books have not been kept up-to-date, so we were making decisions based on bad numbers. The management team is under-trained in the ways of business. The President likes to push buttons and bend rules. BUT... THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I SEE.... We set to work, we worked hard, we put in so many hours, so much heart, so much soul, but had no idea what our PURPOSE was. We had few goals. We had activity, but not productivity. We tried to have a budget meeting last year. All the President said was "I don't know how to do that. We just know we need to make $$ a month and we'll be ok." The focus was completely on sales. A budget is about spending. To the President a budget is all about "not" spending.

To those who think I blame myself for how things are going... do not fear. I know that most to all of this has been out of my control. I also know that it is terribly unfair that I have been brought into it all and asked to help... when there maybe absolutely nothing I (or anyone) can do. But why do I still see hope? Why when I sit down at my desk, do I still feel like that is exactly where I am suppose to be? Is it complacency? Am I so wrong to stay?? Is it stubbornness or pride?
"Trust God. From the bottom of your heart. Don't try to figure out everything on your own. Trust God, for where your life is going. God is in control. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Lord, I am available to you. Here I am Lord use me." (Scripture and Lyrics from a Rich Munchow song that has guided much of my life for the past 2 months, personal and professional). Ok... enough for a day. Til the morrow.